This morning in my bed, first thing, my eyes just barely, bravely opening into our new day, my little sensuous creature-son appeared by my bedside, threw back my covers, dove into bed next to me, and said in a boisterous voice that probably felt quiet to him: “Goodmorning. I love you Mama. Can you please smoosh me now?” So, so deeply still in my blissful transition zone, and yet how could I resist his request? I sleepily mustered up the energy and rolled all my weight on top of him and kissed his sweet little creature face. Typical of the ritual, as soon as he couldn’t easily breathe, after about 20 seconds, he lovingly pushed me off, and, sighing deeply, said: “Thanks. Thanks a lot Mom.”
Along with being perhaps the most affectionate, sensual little person ever, he’s always really liked to feel sheer physical pressure and weight. Since before he could even talk it was easy as his mom to intuitively get that he needed to be deeply contacted, physically met, wrestled and cuddled of course, but sometimes almost momentarily trapped, contained by another’s body, pressure and weight. I remember when he was about 10 months old I needed to literally roll around with him and on top of him in order to get him to sleep. Little wild lion cub. I’m sure there is some pathological term for this, having to do with sensory integration or some such thing. My mama-sense shows me that he is simply so intensely embodied, with such huge energy as a soul inside that relatively small form, that his body is deeply comforted by feeling where his edges are; to feel truly physically met with presence, fully contained and lovingly constrained, in ritual.
This morning, lying there with him, out of curiosity I found my morning voice to ask him: “Why do you like to be smooshed, Ezra?” Without hesitation he said: “Oh! Smooshing? So many reasons, Mom. Sometimes it makes me feel more love. Sometimes it makes me feel more safe. Sometimes it makes me feel my power inside my heart. Sometimes if I am missing you then I do not miss you any more. Sometimes it makes me feel very calm and relaxed. So many reasons to like smooshing, Mom.”
Yes, indeed. And how true this is for many of us, right? Here’s to smooshing and being smooshed, on a regular basis. And here’s to knowing what we like and asking for it. <3