I am here in Big Sur this weekend; two days of pure, much-needed retreat at Esalen, resting, soaking, writing and listening, deeply, to what must be heard. I keep feeling moved to sacred tears, overcome by the majesty of this messy, hard, delicious, harrowing, exquisite incarnation. My beloved Big Sur, that I have been directly blessed by for the last 20 years of my life! Today is one of those days where there has felt to be such a continuous conspiracy in Life's outrageous revealing of breathtaking beauty!
This morning, not long after sunrise, as I soaked in the healing hot springs, I watched as two Sea Otters approached one another in the dark morning waves, slowly, from a distance apart of hundreds of yards. I watched them swim towards one another, tiny determined heads and bodies paddling along, and then they eventually met in the middle, and swam in together, side by side, closer to shore, seemingly so they could play in the rolling splash of gentle tide. Surfing playdate at dawn!
It was drizzling, the sky a clean, bright, newborn blue, rainclouds opening tenderly, sensuously, releasing their gracious spray, and then suddenly, before my very eyes blossomed not only one, huge, luminous rainbow, spanning the sky, but two! It was a double rainbow! I was moved to tears by the sheer magnificence of creation.
Not long after this I saw some big grey whales, not far off shore, swimming along, revealing their bursting spout of breath. And I listened to the other humans nearby, also overjoyed to see them, making sweet whispery sounds of exclamation and appreciation: “Oh!! Look! There they are! See?” So beautiful to hear humans expressing such innocent awe about the brilliant beauty of our Mother. Paying such close attention to grace.
And then, later, right before sunset, another pair of rainbows rose as well! I’m not kidding my friends! And I could hear the nearby humans once again “oohing” and “aaahing”: how we love the sacred, simple, alchemical union of rain and sun~ the holy, juicy, sexy conception of color!
Thoroughly enchanted, I then followed the brightest rainbow down to where it seemed to be emptying into, right into the hotsprings… and then sat at the bottom, in the pot of gold, riveted by dynamic stillness, and opened to the penetrating sword of the setting sun. It felt like it was entering me, ravishing me. I offered myself up choicelessly, completely. And then I looked up and noticed our grandmother moon, Mama Kia, calm and cool in the teeming early-night sky; she had quietly risen, tiptoed in, while I was being fiercely devoured by our Sun. Sunrise and rainfall, sunset and moonrise, rainbows and moonshine; sacred fulfillment.
I'm enjoying such space to write and reflect, soak and love myself simply. As a devoted mother, and one who holds a great many people in this life, time like this to myself is like quenching the deepest thirst, every single time; refilling my cup, yes, for the simple joy of it, and so as to have so much more to offer the thirsty ones, inside and out, once I go back.
I let God hold me, Great Mother kiss my heart; I let insight have its way with my devoted mind, sprawling its happy pen upon the page, I let the sweet white jasmine blossoms find themselves tucked into my hair, I let spacious ease breathe my spine, I let my body feel generously kissed by water, air, light, breath, beauty, sound. Deep gratefulness. There is a vulnerability in sharing our joy.