Righteous Self-Love is Worth Aging For!

Righteous Self-Love is Worth Aging For!

A dear Sister asked me recently where I currently, personally stand as a single woman in my forties on the topic of welcoming relational union into my life. I thought it could be fun and useful to share my thoughts  here.

I absolutely love conscious partnership and lovership as an exquisitely provocative container for evolution, companionship and devotion. In many ways I was designed for it, and I blossom when my feminine nature can truly relax and unfurl in Love’s holy dance of giving and receiving.

I adore the presence of the sacred masculine in my life, knowing from experience the incomparable ways this can bless, affirm and enhance my life, health and heart. YES.

AND the older and more self-loving I’ve become, the more discerning I’ve had to become in terms of who I allow into the deepest crevices of my heart, my psyche, my body, my home, my life and my children’s lives.

Intimacy is not casual for me, because I’m fully embodied and I love wholeheartedly, and because I live a life that requires my instrument to stay tuned.

When our lives are given in service, especially, and our personal calling is intertwined with our own clarity, we must be particularly discerning about who we bring close in to the hearth of our lives—who we lie down beside at night, with whom we share our breath and saliva and sex, intermingling our spirits, to whom we devote our presence, care and attention, and from whom we receive daily mirroring.

We learn from experience the consequences of self-betrayal and poor energetic hygiene; the hazards of not listening to our intuition.

The stakes are raised, and the costs are high.

Thank goodness with maturity comes holy discernment, and a treasuring of health, sanity, peace and coherence above the familiarity of comfort, juicy attraction, and caretaking.

We learn to honor the unapologetic clarity of our Fu*k NO right alongside our passionately true Fu*k YES.

Beyond any fantasy of a partner’s potential, beyond the seductive blind spots of romantic projection, we are soberly grounded in what’s presently real, in what is actually SO rather than what we wish would be, or might be someday, and we take careful note of what patterns blatantly repeat themselves.

We come to fiercely respect and protect the wisdom of our bodies and the sanctity of our lives.

In all this, the archetype of the queen poised on her inner throne has been a useful one for me to find solid home within. Taking my seat in the sovereign majesty of my own heart and soul.

I’m grateful to find myself in a time where I am neither “defensively sovereign”, as I like to call it sometimes, 😉 nor caught in habituated longing for relationship.

Ahhhh, what a relief to be free of that dichotomy.

I am grateful to find myself innocently open, not jaded nor cynically caught in a story of past disappointments, yet grounded and sober when it comes to the possibility of welcoming relational union once again in to my life. Only if it were to be profoundly true, and then I would absolutely say yes please and thank you!

I am open and I am whole.  I cherish and respect my precious, fleeting life.

I love this aging, sexy, sober, devotional woman of love and truth I am.

Some things really do get easier, simpler, and clearer with time and with age!

And I would never dream of trading this middle-aged wisdom for the tight, firm and perky version of my youth. Not even for a moment.

Righteous self-love is truly worth aging for!

Xo Jesua

Embracing Our Holy, Imperfect, Astounding Resilience

Embracing Our Holy, Imperfect, Astounding Resilience

At first glance, my closest women friends and I appear to be confident and worldly women; women who enjoy the privilege of education and opportunity; spiritual women whose natural orientation is to love and service.

One of us recently produced a brilliant documentary about grief.

Another just had her first book published, and is the founder of an internationally acclaimed online school for women’s spirituality.

Many friends are exceptionally gifted artists, therapists, healers, and spiritual teachers; the kind who change the world merely with their perspective and presence.

One friend is a stunningly brilliant coder, using technology to evolve our collective relationship with currency.

Several friends are acclaimed singer/songwriters—and when they sing, our hearts crack open wider to life.

Another is the founder of a conscious wealth management company that funnels tremendous wealth into opportunities for global healing and regeneration.

I could go on and on.

We are smart, strong, and devoted mothers. We are daughters, sisters, lovers and partners.

Our eyes shine from a place of potent self-knowing, and we walk with dignity.

To look at any one of us, it’s clear that we have learned to love ourselves.

Look a little closer and you’ll discover that many of our marriages have failed, we’ve had partners who betrayed us, and we’ve betrayed ourselves time and time again—for image, security, sex, money, love.

We’ve been seduced by temptations of rescue. We’ve learned about self-respect the hard way. Our children have faced scary struggles of various kinds.

Many of us have walked a path of single motherhood. Many of us have struggled with how to support ourselves on an artist’s or a healer’s or a teacher’s income.

More than one of us have buried a child. More than one of us lives with a scary diagnosis. More than one of us navigates the ongoing throes of mental illness.

We’ve each found ourselves flat on the ground, begging for mercy, more times than we can count.

Life can be heartbreaking. It is not a pretty picture on social media most of the time, let’s be honest.
It is a wild life, this human realm, and even for the most blessed and privileged amongst us, life asks so much of our hearts.
 
Life hurts and panics and puzzles us.
Life kicks us to the ground in pain, and then takes our breath away in its tender-loving mercy.

Life is brutal, and yet we are resilient. Resilience doesn’t mean we bounce back effortlessly from major life losses. It doesn’t mean we ever get over the grief of our lives.

But it is our human instinct to recover, to rise again, to blossom from the mud, to make medicine of what has broken us.
 
And I’ve got to say, there’s something startlingly wonderful when all our hopes for an unbroken life and body and world have been dismantled.
 
What freedom—when we’ve lived through the ruining of personal dreams and realize that we are, in fact, not ruin-able!
When we finally turn and face what we’ve been fiercely avoiding—financial failure, divorce, worthlessness, disease, death, despair—we recognize that we were actually designed to bear this.
Life encourages us to embrace our holy, imperfect, astounding resilience.
This is the way we come all the way home to Love.
excerpted from my forthcoming book, “Holy Messy Love~ Parables from the Heart of an Everyday Mystic”