Truth is My Only Business

Nov 20, 2019 | Blog, Featured Read | 0 comments

I’m letting go now, my friend. I give in.

I welcome you to give in, alongside me.

I cannot hold on a moment longer to anything needing to be a certain way.

I cannot perfect these costumes life has asked me to wear, nor can I master these roles I’m asked to play.

Any posture is too much to hold and every mask has to come off.

I cannot continue to indulge these unresolved dichotomies within me: good and bad, beautiful and ugly, success and failure, holy and profane, loveable and unloveable.

May they all burn to ash in the fire of my own radical embrace.

I’m giving up now on being anything other than myself.

And if I’m going to be loved and hated for being myself, so be it.

And if I’m going to be mocked and scorned, worshipped and adored, praised and judged, it’s really none of my business.

Truth is my only business.

I cannot entertain another recycled thought of wishing this instant would somehow be other than it is; of arrogantly thinking life must have gotten it wrong somehow to be so agonizing for so many.

What delicious reprieve when we finally stop trying to control the uncontrollable and really let it all just be as it is.

I don’t mean to suggest we should stop praying for the world to come to peace, or halt our efforts as agents of necessary change.   (Please don’t!)

I’m in no way implying that apathy could bear fruit, or that complacency might catalyze our essential liberation as individuals or as a species.

All I’m saying is that our habitual struggle against life as it is, is one of the basic, insidious ways we contribute to suffering— inside our own lives, and life as a whole.

Let it be a fucking catastrophe! Let it be a wonder!

Let it be the excruciating journey that brings us to our knees time and time again, begging for mercy—

That wakes us at 3:00 a.m. with pounding hearts of anxiety and prayer, aching for our children, for our world—

That stops us in our tracks and makes us gasp out loud to witness such ineffable, stunning BEAUTY—

That makes us laugh so hard in moments we are at once crying and trying not to pee in our pants!

This life that humbles us over and over and over again, teaching us about gratitude, about resilience and evolution; teaching us about remorse, and faith and forgiveness; teaching us about the infinite faces of grace.

I’m giving up on it ever getting better than this.

I’m breaking up with the illusion that “awakening” or “fulfillment” or “success” or some long-awaited cause for “ecstatic contentment” is coming in some future moment.

I’m giving up on life, love, work, parenthood, sex, family, partnership, or adulthood ever meeting any of the idealized fantasizes I’ve projected onto them.

Dare we know that peace comes as we stop searching for it; stop waiting for it to look different than this, right here, right NOW?

Dare we claim this moment as the one when we completely lean in and finally say YES to it all, just as it is?

What a relief to let this life BE the intensely mixed bag it IS—the gutting anguish and the grandeur all mixed up in one barely palatable bite; a bite that we continue opening wider to receive because we are alive for but an INSTANT, so we might as well show up for it!

We might as well live with our naked hearts exposed, in fearless and generous surrender, for all the world to taste of.

We might as well give everything to Love.

~*~ Jesua

 

 

Facebook Comments

More Blog Posts

Praising Angels

Praising Angels

One of the many gifts that came from my early childhood intimacy with traumatizing illness, was the way in which it opened my psychic centers to be able to “see” and “hear” energetic realities that remain elusive for most. While it took me a couple of decades to work...

Stewarding a New Way

Stewarding a New Way

As I witness all this outrageous trauma playing out on the global stage between man and woman, one of the most poignant components it illuminates for me is the power we hold in how we choose to steward our daughters and sons in these times. What is our part to play in...

Smoky Grateful Boredom Breakthroughs

Smoky Grateful Boredom Breakthroughs

My son Ezra and I had a glorious breakthrough about boredom a few days ago, and I’m inspired to share it with you, in case it just might be contagious. (And no, it wasn’t about boredom breeding creativity or genius or whatever it was someone wise once said, though I’m...

A Year of Leaning In

A Year of Leaning In

A couple of weeks ago Orionne and I celebrated our one year anniversary! What a meaningful threshold for us to cross. And what a profound year of leaning in it has been. We met (re-met) one year ago in July and immediately bowed in to a most extraordinary love. We...

“Free of Mom”~ Attachment & Surrender

“Free of Mom”~ Attachment & Surrender

The other morning I was sitting at my desk writing, when suddenly my son Ezra was beside me, tapping me on the shoulder in his fluffy red bathrobe. As I turned to greet his morning brightness, he surprised me by tumbling completely into my arms, so I had to move fast...

“But either way, isn’t Love always the answer?”

“But either way, isn’t Love always the answer?”

“But any way you look at it, isn’t Love always the answer?” That’s what my beloved partner said to me yesterday with fierce truth pouring from moist eyes, devotedly calling me back, in a moment when defense had gotten the better of me, to the common ground of our...

Graduation from a Life Chapter; The Endless Changing of Form

Graduation from a Life Chapter; The Endless Changing of Form

I’ve got some big news to share~ about a large life change in the works for my sweet family. One night, about 6 weeks ago, as I closed my eyes to go to sleep, I was suddenly struck with an unexpected lightning bolt of revelation. It went something like this: “And Now You will Move With The Children Back To Ashland.” It truly felt more like an announcement from my soul, than any kind of choice I was being offered to contemplate. I was shocked, confused, and somewhat triggered. I […]

Being Single~ Yearning, Prayer, Surrender and Fulfillment

Being Single~ Yearning, Prayer, Surrender and Fulfillment

Garethrockliffe.com I’m inspired to tell you a story from a recent bedtime conversation I had with my son, on the topic of being single, and the prayer for partnership. It’s a tender topic to personally speak and write about, but one that so many of us share in common. And so I humbly offer my voice to the collective conversation.I’ve been contemplating my own single womanhood and single motherhood a lot lately, in a particularly focused way. It’s interesting to consider the stigm […]

Nurturing Self-Love as Healthy Self-Image~ A Clothes-Shopping Story

Nurturing Self-Love as Healthy Self-Image~ A Clothes-Shopping Story

Due to the vulnerable nature of this writing, this piece is published with explicit permission and blessings from my brave and generous daughter Arayla, who after reading it shared her hope that our story might serve in some small way~ especially other mothers and daughters, in navigating the steep challenge of healthy self- image and radical self-love in our culture. One of my most treasured delights as the mother of my beloved daughter Arayla, (newly 12 years old,) is the incredibly swee […]

Our World, Our Mirror~ Rupture, Projection, Responsibility & Repair

Our World, Our Mirror~ Rupture, Projection, Responsibility & Repair

It's difficult to know what to say in these times, but I'll give it a try.  While this horrifying drama is playing out on the world stage, I’m finding it useful to notice how this translates in my own privileged life. For it to get this crazy on the outer stage of our...