Seeing Our Unconscious Commitment to Suffering

Seeing Our Unconscious Commitment to Suffering

In this video Jesua explores the powerful process by which we can discover how it is we are unconsciously attached, committed or even addicted to the very patterns of suffering we most wish to be free of.

It’s a truly empowering gift to take full responsibility for our experience, and to actively work to evolve the patterns that don’t serve our deepest peace and freedom.

 

More Videos

Seeing Our Unconscious Commitment to Suffering

Seeing Our Unconscious Commitment to Suffering

In this video Jesua explores the powerful process by which we can discover how it is we are unconsciously attached, committed or even addicted to the very patterns of suffering we most wish to be free of. It’s a truly empowering gift to take full responsibility for...

Meeting Shame with Self-Love

Meeting Shame with Self-Love

In this video Jesua shares her own personal practice for meeting the mundane arising of shame, self-doubt and self-criticism. More Videos

A Simple Breathing Practice

A Simple Breathing Practice

In this video Jesua shares wisdom from Brené Brown regarding a super simple breathing technique used by Yogis and Navy Seals alike, to summon the choice to respond, rather than to react—in everyday moments of stress or trigger… More Videos

Love Beyond Appearance

Love Beyond Appearance

In this video, Jesua explores the vulnerability of letting ourselves be seen just as we are. She shines a light on the deeper reality of who we truly are beyond our fleeting appearances, and the every-day ways we can discover to cross the bridge from shame and...

Burning Cleanly

Burning Cleanly

In this video, Jesua examines what it means to "burn cleanly" in the fires of our given life challenges. She delves into the possibility of a certain quality of self-honesty that allows us to notice what it is we have to add, in any given situation, in order to...

Meeting the Discomfort of Uncertainty

Meeting the Discomfort of Uncertainty

In this video Jesua explores the possibility of meeting the discomfort of uncertainty, unknowability and heartache with a simple willingness to bear it…  Asking questions such as:  How can we allow our pain to inspire a prayer that truly serves what we are alive for?...

What’s Here Right Now?

What’s Here Right Now?

There are limitless ways to distract ourselves and avoid what’s actually present—everything from substance use, to staying busy, to social media addiction, to worrying, to buying things, to gossip, to texting, to obsessing about other people’s issues. But there is...

Are You Loving Yourself Right Now?

Are You Loving Yourself Right Now?

Intimate Question of The Moment: Are you loving yourself right now? Can you feel it? Do you know it? Can you say it? And if not, are you willing to WANT to love yourself?Can you confess this holy want to yourself? Self-love is the key. Self-love is home. Here's to...

Courage

Courage

“Courage” is a poem film, intended to transmit an inclusive perspective on Life, Love, and this precious, fleeting chance to show up generously as ourselves, and give what we were born to give.

Grieving the Return of Smoke Season

Grieving the Return of Smoke Season

Last evening around dusk as I was preparing for dinner I heard my daughter Arayla suddenly shout out from the living room, “Oh no!” And then I heard my son Ezra scramble out from his bedroom to see what the deal was. I joined my children in the living room and found them standing at the window, staring out towards the mountains.

Arayla glanced up at me worriedly, “Do you think that’s smoke, Mama?”

Ezra moaned loudly, “Oh please no, please!”

I shook my head with resistance and denial, “Maybe not, Guys. Maybe it’s just foggy or hazy.”

I quickly went to my computer and looked up the air quality index for Ashland, and it was still reading normal.

I searched for local wildfires, and saw that there were indeed a handful.

I returned to the window beside my children, and my heart sank as I confessed that the air did seem to have that familiar, dreaded weight to it. Within a few minutes, the air thickened further still, and it became obvious: the smoke was back.

Before I took our dog Freya out for her evening walk, I reached up into the coat closet and got down our masks from last year.

We’ve had the most glorious Summer here in Southern Oregon up until now. Really, we’ve been so grateful. The children have been riding their bikes everywhere, stretching into newfound independence in our sweet and special valley.

Arayla’s been tending to her horse every day, and loving her barn job of cleaning stalls and feeding horses, while Ezra’s been shooting hoops for hours on end, sweating up a storm while refining his skills.

As July has stretched on, smoke-free, and we passed the anniversary of when the fires began last year and the year before last, I’ve been wondering if maybe we could just get a break from it this year? Could we be so blessed? I’ve heard a few people mention it, quietly, under their breath, “Oh we’ve been so lucky this year with all the clean air!” alongside some superstitious sense of, “Shhh…don’t say it too loud.”

It’s easy to feel the collective PTSD of the land and all the creatures. There’s a palpable strain on the humans of this region in feeling trapped by the toxicity of the smoke. It’s depressing to realize this is just one of our seasons now: Fire Season, Smoke Season. It comes in between Summer and Fall.

This morning I was still in bed when my kids came and snuggled in close. First Ezra came,  cuddling into my right, and then a few minutes later Arayla arrived, cozying into my left. They were both in tears in my arms, openly grieving the arrival of the smoke. I held them close and empathized, “I know, my loves. I’m so sorry…”

Ezra, whose lungs are particularly sensitive to the impact of the smoke, started scheming about how we would get away. He began imagining out loud how we could hitch a horse trailer to the back of our car and bring Ollie, Arayla’s horse, with us, and how we’d find a beautiful house by the ocean somewhere, where Arayla could safely ride Ollie in the clean ocean air on the beach.

His adorably generous (albeit far-fetched) fantasy seemed to be genuinely bringing him joy and peace, until he said, “But that would probably be like a million dollars. Or at least twelve thousand dollars, right Mom?”

He was quiet for a few moments, before he concluded, “The problems are that: 1) It’s expensive to leave, and 2) we don’t want to be away from our home, and 3) we can’t just leave our animals, but we can’t bring them with us easily either.” His shoulders slumped down as he recognized the complexity.

Arayla began to tell us about a new kind of expensive horse blanket she was just reading about, made of the same material firefighter’s coats are made of, with a built-in tracking device, so if you let your horse run off in a fire, maybe at least it’s easier to find them later.

As I held my children I reminded them how grateful we can be for our well-insulated home, and air-conditioning, and to remember how many people have it far worse. I talked about how my heart especially goes to the homeless at this time of year, and to all the wild animals whose homes are outside, and to the fire-fighters, working so hard to put out the fires.

I spoke a prayer for humans to be ever-more conscious, diligent, responsible and respectful towards fire, as the vast majority of wildfires, including this one presently filling our valley with smoke, have been caused by humans being irresponsible.

I spoke a prayer for our beloved Mother Earth, fevering with global warming, and fighting to find the balance.

It seems the most and best we can do at times is to openly grieve, count our bountiful blessings, and pray.

xoxoxo

Meeting Shame with Self-Love

Meeting Shame with Self-Love

In this video Jesua shares her own personal practice for meeting the mundane arising of shame, self-doubt and self-criticism.

More Videos

Seeing Our Unconscious Commitment to Suffering

Seeing Our Unconscious Commitment to Suffering

In this video Jesua explores the powerful process by which we can discover how it is we are unconsciously attached, committed or even addicted to the very patterns of suffering we most wish to be free of. It’s a truly empowering gift to take full responsibility for...

Meeting Shame with Self-Love

Meeting Shame with Self-Love

In this video Jesua shares her own personal practice for meeting the mundane arising of shame, self-doubt and self-criticism. More Videos

A Simple Breathing Practice

A Simple Breathing Practice

In this video Jesua shares wisdom from Brené Brown regarding a super simple breathing technique used by Yogis and Navy Seals alike, to summon the choice to respond, rather than to react—in everyday moments of stress or trigger… More Videos

Love Beyond Appearance

Love Beyond Appearance

In this video, Jesua explores the vulnerability of letting ourselves be seen just as we are. She shines a light on the deeper reality of who we truly are beyond our fleeting appearances, and the every-day ways we can discover to cross the bridge from shame and...

Burning Cleanly

Burning Cleanly

In this video, Jesua examines what it means to "burn cleanly" in the fires of our given life challenges. She delves into the possibility of a certain quality of self-honesty that allows us to notice what it is we have to add, in any given situation, in order to...

Meeting the Discomfort of Uncertainty

Meeting the Discomfort of Uncertainty

In this video Jesua explores the possibility of meeting the discomfort of uncertainty, unknowability and heartache with a simple willingness to bear it…  Asking questions such as:  How can we allow our pain to inspire a prayer that truly serves what we are alive for?...

What’s Here Right Now?

What’s Here Right Now?

There are limitless ways to distract ourselves and avoid what’s actually present—everything from substance use, to staying busy, to social media addiction, to worrying, to buying things, to gossip, to texting, to obsessing about other people’s issues. But there is...

Are You Loving Yourself Right Now?

Are You Loving Yourself Right Now?

Intimate Question of The Moment: Are you loving yourself right now? Can you feel it? Do you know it? Can you say it? And if not, are you willing to WANT to love yourself?Can you confess this holy want to yourself? Self-love is the key. Self-love is home. Here's to...

Courage

Courage

“Courage” is a poem film, intended to transmit an inclusive perspective on Life, Love, and this precious, fleeting chance to show up generously as ourselves, and give what we were born to give.

Difficult Love Lessons– A Story of Yes and No

Difficult Love Lessons– A Story of Yes and No

One day last week my daughter, Arayla (14) was out riding her horse at the stables, when suddenly I received a text from her with a photo of a tiny little brown bunny, cupped sweetly in her hands.

The text read: “I rescued a baby bunny. Can I keep him?”

I responded: “Awww…so cute. No, my love. I think he needs to go home to his mom.”  

She wrote back: “But a cat attacked him. He’ll die in the wild.”

I replied: “Oh no! Poor guy. I wonder where you could bring him to keep him safe? Maybe you could google local wild-life rescue shelters? He can’t live with us, my love.”

I could see the writing on the wall on this one, and intuitively I was guided to be firm.

She wrote back: “Yeah, ok.”     And that was the last I heard.

Side note—(lest you confuse me for just another mean, bunny-refusing mom ;-)) : When the children were small, over a stretch of many years, I believe we went through about 12 bunnies total. Yes, you heard me: 12.

Oh, there was Buddha and Quan Yin, Poseidon and Luna, Buttercup, YeMaya and Sunshine… just to name a few. We had a wonderful rabbit hutch in our spacious backyard garden in West Sonoma County, CA.

But rabbits are delicate animals, it turns out. The slightest change in weather or digestive disturbance can end badly for a little bunny, and so we also had many rabbit funerals.

Each time, the children would lovingly wrap their dead bunny in some old, soft t-shirt and flower petals, then tearfully dig yet another hole in the backyard dirt with their small metal shovels, before lowering the body of their bunny into the earth. I remember them improvising funeral songs and naming their gratitude for these sweet, sensitive friends.

At one point, when the kids decided they felt guilty about keeping their bunnies enclosed in such a small space, we tried “free-ranging” them in our back yard. I’m sure you’ll be shocked to hear this eventually culminated in nourishing the local owl and fox families. 

When the kids got old enough to hold more responsibility, I was thrilled we could graduate from pet bunnies and move on to having a dog. And just 7 months ago, I made the huge decision to support my passionate and gifted equestrian daughter in rescuing a 6-year-old retired race-horse; a gentle giant with tremendous promise—a horse of her own to love and learn from and grow with. (But that is a story for another blog post!) 

And so you might say that my, “No, you may not keep the tiny, injured baby bunny” was a somewhat informed stance, particularly considering how many animal responsibilities my daughter already has.

But a couple hours later, when I drove to pick up Arayla from the barn, the first thing I saw was a cluster of teenage horse-girls, all standing together in a line like a small army of maidens. Arayla stood in the center of the line, and it appeared they were explicitly waiting for my arrival.

Oh boy here it comes, I thought to myself.

I had barely finished parking before the group of eager, gangly, long-limbed girls all rushed to the side of my car. They were glowing with unified purpose and camaraderie. As I opened the car door, Arayla rushed in close, carefully revealing to me in her hands the tiniest, furriest, most appealing little baby bunny that ever existed. Oh my. 

My daughter’s eyes were awash with soft, sentimental love.

She said formally: “Mama, we’d like to introduce you to Biscuit.” 

I smiled at her meekly, asking, “Oh—you named him?”

Arayla backed up and quickly reclaimed her spot in the center of the band of maidens.

One by one they each came forward then, with their carefully formulated argument for why the only right choice was for all of them to “co-parent” baby Biscuit, and nurse him back to health until he was big and strong enough to be released back into the wild.

Each girl was so uniquely determined, eloquent in her stance, and confident in her commitment. They had every detail covered—from housing for the bunny, to research of what a tiny, wild baby bunny needs, to a solid plan for how to equally share the cost of food.

Arayla’s eyes looked at me pleadingly.  She said, “Please, Mama? We’ll take care of everything ourselves…?”

I mean—what could I do? They were all so darn adorable and impressive. I couldn’t help but recognize it was a wonderful opportunity for them to stretch into collaborative responsibility. What a perfect Summer project for a group of young teen girls. 

So I took a deep breath as I smiled at them. And then I acquiesced: “Okay girls, I’m in…”

The girls jumped up and down, squealing joyously, hugging each other ceremoniously.

For two days the baby Biscuit rescue saga continued.

The first co-parenting shift was happening at Arayla’s house, and so the girls came to visit him, taking turns feeding him special milk with a syringe, carefully tracking and charting his poop and pee to make sure he was healing. 

Arayla’s brother Ezra (10) fell in love with the baby bunny too, of course.

I watched my beautiful daughter rushing around the house with diligent focus, carefully tending to the needs of this small, utterly dependent animal. I appreciated how fully she was rising to the task. 

All signs pointed to Biscuit’s growing strength and health! He started jumping around joyously, kicking up his tiny bunny hooves, as he revealed a definite love for snuggling.

On the third day, however, things suddenly took a turn for the worse. 

I was busy working with long-distance healing clients that day, and in between appointments Arayla asked if I could drive her to one of the other girl’s houses. She had baby Biscuit wrapped in a little cloth, tucked warm in her hands. As we drove, she anxiously explained to me that all did not seem well with him, and she was hoping her friend would know what to do.

About an hour later, I received a text: “He’s dying, Mom.”

I texted back: “Oh my Love. I’m so sorry. How can I help?”

No response.

About twenty minutes later, I got the text: “He died. We’re gonna bury him.”

Soon after, Arayla got a ride home. The moment she walked in the door she broke into deep sobs of heartbroken grief. She wailed loudly and crumbled to the ground. I wrapped my arms around her, and her brother came rushing out from his bedroom and wrapped his arms around her too.

We just held her close as she cried and cried.

I was impressed by how deeply and fully she grieved. She was definitely not holding anything back. In fact I noted that it seemed she was grieving the loss of this little wild bunny more passionately than any of her pet bunnies she’d had as a little girl.

That night she fell asleep crying in my arms. In between sobs, she said things like, “I’m just so disappointed, Mom. I was invested. I loved him. I feel so defeated now. So purposeless. I was saving him. I was giving him another chance.”

The next day she was still clearly feeling the loss, but showed signs of resilience, laughing again and playing robustly with her brother.

The following evening I was resting quietly in my bedroom when both kids suddenly appeared in my room with an air of uncharacteristic tentativeness.

Immediately suspicious, I said, “Uh-oh…What is it?”

“Oh nothing, Mama,” Arayla replied cheerily with innocence, “We just wanted to talk to you about something.”

Ezra nodded in agreement, beaming by her side.

The dynamics were obvious. Arayla was clearly up to something and had enrolled her little brother as her devoted side-kick and back-up.

“Ok…?” I responded, somewhat skeptical.   I sat up on my bed and faced them: “Let’s hear it.” 

Slowly Arayla pulled out a folded-up piece of paper from the back of her jeans. She said, “Now don’t answer right away, okay Mom? Just stay open. Just listen to my perspective.”

I took a deep breath, and replied, “Ok, you got it. I’m listening openly.”

Ezra nodded at me, as he coached: “Good job, Mom.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at his cuteness. He was perfectly fulfilling his role as her ally.

Carefully referring to her handwritten notes, Arayla then began to make a case for getting a new pet baby bunny.

She explained how loving Biscuit had made her realize how much she really loves bunnies and misses caring for them. She had made a small financial spread sheet based on the costs entailed, and explained how her Summer job would contribute to these costs.

My heart softened, as I opened to receive her proposal. It was easy to see how this was another way for her to process her raw grief about the little bunny she’d lost.

As I listened to her diligent display of all the relevant points, intuitively I could tell she already knew the answer had to be No.

Just as she had assigned Ezra the role of devoted side-kick in her process, she had also assigned me a role—of holding a clear line of discernment for her. 

As the kids began to feel my answer arising, Ezra took a noble stand on behalf of his sister. He pleaded fiercely: “Mom, she worked so hard on this. She really wants to do this, Mom. And I’ll help her. I really will.” He stood resolutely by Arayla’s side. 

I smiled at them tenderly.

I said, “I really appreciate and respect how you looked into this possibility. And I really get how much you loved Biscuit and how losing him made you naturally want another chance. I’m sure once you’re a grown woman you’ll have all sorts of animals in your home. But I just don’t see how this would be a wise choice for us at this time, given all the other pieces we are juggling. I’m sorry.”

Arayla’s face fell, and started to break with emotion. Clearly upset, she turned on her heel to go. Ezra, her loyal ally, frowned at me with sharp disapproval, before also turning and leaving the room. 

Alone in my bedroom once again, I sighed and pondered this wild play of relationship and the various roles we are given to uphold in our committed love for one another.

What an honor it is—how we get to show up in these temporary lifetimes and steward one another in skills of openness and flexibility, discernment and surrender; lessons of yes and no, attachment and investment, disappointment and forgiveness.

The next morning, first thing upon opening my eyes, I noticed my daughter waiting by the side of my bed.

I gently scooted over to make room for her beside me, and she jumped in, letting me spoon her sweetly, as she pulled my arm tightly around her to hold her close. We lay there quietly together for some time, just breathing in the treasure of morning quiet.

Finally she whispered with an air of precious humility, “Thanks Mom. Thanks for being my mom.”

I smiled softly and squeezed her and nuzzled her precious little bunny head. 

I said, “I really love being your mom.” <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Simple Breathing Practice

A Simple Breathing Practice

In this video Jesua shares wisdom from Brené Brown regarding a super simple breathing technique used by Yogis and Navy Seals alike, to summon the choice to respond, rather than to react—in everyday moments of stress or trigger…

More Videos

Seeing Our Unconscious Commitment to Suffering

Seeing Our Unconscious Commitment to Suffering

In this video Jesua explores the powerful process by which we can discover how it is we are unconsciously attached, committed or even addicted to the very patterns of suffering we most wish to be free of. It’s a truly empowering gift to take full responsibility for...

Meeting Shame with Self-Love

Meeting Shame with Self-Love

In this video Jesua shares her own personal practice for meeting the mundane arising of shame, self-doubt and self-criticism. More Videos

A Simple Breathing Practice

A Simple Breathing Practice

In this video Jesua shares wisdom from Brené Brown regarding a super simple breathing technique used by Yogis and Navy Seals alike, to summon the choice to respond, rather than to react—in everyday moments of stress or trigger… More Videos

Love Beyond Appearance

Love Beyond Appearance

In this video, Jesua explores the vulnerability of letting ourselves be seen just as we are. She shines a light on the deeper reality of who we truly are beyond our fleeting appearances, and the every-day ways we can discover to cross the bridge from shame and...

Burning Cleanly

Burning Cleanly

In this video, Jesua examines what it means to "burn cleanly" in the fires of our given life challenges. She delves into the possibility of a certain quality of self-honesty that allows us to notice what it is we have to add, in any given situation, in order to...

Meeting the Discomfort of Uncertainty

Meeting the Discomfort of Uncertainty

In this video Jesua explores the possibility of meeting the discomfort of uncertainty, unknowability and heartache with a simple willingness to bear it…  Asking questions such as:  How can we allow our pain to inspire a prayer that truly serves what we are alive for?...

What’s Here Right Now?

What’s Here Right Now?

There are limitless ways to distract ourselves and avoid what’s actually present—everything from substance use, to staying busy, to social media addiction, to worrying, to buying things, to gossip, to texting, to obsessing about other people’s issues. But there is...

Are You Loving Yourself Right Now?

Are You Loving Yourself Right Now?

Intimate Question of The Moment: Are you loving yourself right now? Can you feel it? Do you know it? Can you say it? And if not, are you willing to WANT to love yourself?Can you confess this holy want to yourself? Self-love is the key. Self-love is home. Here's to...

Courage

Courage

“Courage” is a poem film, intended to transmit an inclusive perspective on Life, Love, and this precious, fleeting chance to show up generously as ourselves, and give what we were born to give.

Lessons on Race Cars & Penis Size

Lessons on Race Cars & Penis Size

 This morning as I drove my boy Ezra (10) to his basketball camp in Medford, we dropped into a mutually surprising dialogue.

At first we were actually discussing egoic fixation according to the lens of the Spiritual Enneagram, a system that has profoundly impacted my perspective for over twenty years.

Personally, I found this to be an entirely delightful way to share our time in the car together, but I think Ezra must have been getting a little bored, because suddenly he changed the conversation, asking me with a playful glint in his eye, “What kind of car do you think that is, Mom, right there in front of us?”

I looked at the car he was referring to, a sleek silver car driving directly in front of us in the left lane of the highway. I squinted my eyes a little, looking for clues, and admittedly knowing nothing about cars, I offered up meekly, “Gosh. I don’t know… is it a Porsche?”

Ezra’s eyes widened in disbelief: “NO! Oh my God, no.” He shook his head wildly, laughing a little at my ignorance.

I giggled and tried guessing again: “Is it a Lamborghini?”

This time both of his hands went to his head, horrified: “No! Mom, those are like three-hundred-thousand-dollar cars! That is NOT a Lamborghini…no, Mom, no.” He shook his head.

I shrugged off his outrage, defending myself, “Well Gosh, how am I supposed to know what kind of car it is? It just looks like a fancy little race car to me. What kind of car is it then?”

His eyes were shining bright and wide. Clearly he was enjoying being the expert.

He said slowly: “It’s a MUSTANG, Mom. A Boss Mustang. It’s a muscle car. See how it’s got curves, like a muscle? It’s a race car with an engine built to perform.”

I nodded with interest, saying, “Wow, ‘built to perform’, huh? You sure do know a lot about that?! Have you been, like, studying race cars privately in your spare time?” 😉

He laughed, “No…I just like them, I guess.”

I asked, “Are you thinking you might want a car like that someday?”

He shrugged, still studying the one driving in front of us, as he replied, “A Mustang? Nah… That’s not really my kind of car.”

I asked: “No? How come?” I found it fascinating that he had somehow come to have so many opinions on this topic, something so far from my own mind and attention.

He sighed and seemed to be sorting through plenty of thoughts in response, but was figuring it would probably go over my head.

After a few moments, he said, “Anyway, I’ve heard that Mustangs are ‘Small Penis Cars.’”

Ha! This shocked me a bit, and laughing out loud I said, “What?! What does that even mean?”

He giggled. He said, “It’s true. That’s what people say. That Mustangs are usually bought by men with small penises who are trying to feel more powerful. You know—they’re like, trying to appear bigger, with their car?” 😉

My jaw dropped. This conversation was definitely veering off in a completely new and unfamiliar direction.

Still humored, but also feeling the potency of the topic, I chose my words carefully as I commented, “That’s a really interesting idea, isn’t it? That we might buy something like a car, or some other object that appears powerful or valuable, so as to try and make up for some way we feel like WE aren’t enough?

He nodded in agreement, saying, “Yep. It’s interesting alright…or just weird.”

I was quiet, thinking it through for a moment. I mused—here is my vibrant and innocently growing boy, raised with consciousness and awareness, carefully guided and protected, and already he’s received potent societal imprints and notions about preferable ways for a man’s body to be. I likened it to the damaging body-image conditioning our girls also receive in this culture from the time they are small.

I took a breath, and asserted: “But you know, there’s really nothing wrong with having a small penis…”

My son’s eyes got really wide, his eyebrows lifted, and chuckling, he said, “Oh really, Mom?! Fabulous! Thanks for sharing that…” He shook his head with mortified disbelief.

I continued: “Seriously though, I know men can get caught up a bit with penis size. And I’m sure as a woman I can’t completely understand what that’s about. But in my perception, it’s much less about size, and more about the powerful connection between a man’s penis and his heart, and his capacity to work with his energy.”

Ezra laughed, squirming a bit in his seat. His face reddened, as he said sarcastically, “Great, Mom! Great to know!” I could see it was making him a little uncomfortable, but he also seemed to be genuinely enjoying this open dialogue.

I added, “It’s true. It’s not so much about the shape or size of our bodies, but more about our true love for ourselves, and our courage and confidence in letting our bodies be an expression and extension of this love.”

I added, “And you know? Personally I’ve known men with smaller penises who are incredibly powerful, confident, beautiful, amazing men…who don’t feel any need to compensate for anything.”

At that, Ezra held up his hands in protest, chuckling: “T.M.I. Mom! T.M.I.!”

I giggled, glancing at him, saying, “Really? I crossed the line right there?”

He laughed, “Yeah, I really don’t want to think about my mom ‘knowing men’ with any kind of penises. God, Mom.” He was shaking his head, looking at me like I was a little crazy, but with a lot of love splashing out of his eyes.

I winked at him, “Fair enough, dude.” 🙂 

We pulled into the parking lot of his camp, and he grabbed his backpack and water bottle and tumbled out of the car, tossing out affectionately, “See you later! I love you!”

I shouted after him, “I love you!” And internally I said to him: May you continue to innocently love your body, your penis, the wholeness of your human self, and never feel any need to compensate for any sense of lack within.

May you continuously respect yourself, your sacred life and body, and allow this respect to inform the way you respectfully walk in the world.

May you know your true worth, your extraordinary value—simply in being yourself.